God's version of the antique roadshow...

Donald Miller writes in Searching for God knows what, “ I fell like I am in a lifeboat trying to get other people to say that I am important and valued, and even when they do, it feels as though their opinion isn’t strong enough to give me the feeling I need, the feeling that quit at the fall”.

Our value, our importance comes from God and when it doesn’t is when our self doubt and self esteem take the dive and we feel worthless. Starting out in ministry, I was concerned about people and how they perceived me. How they thought about me, do they think I am doing a good job? I kind of felt like in my mind that there was a constant evaluation of Andy going through everyone’s head. I felt only the most valued when I felt like I KNEW what people were thinking about me.
Going through school, I was never really picked on. I was high enough on the perceived social ladder, which not many people knew that I was a pk or that I lived above a church because I never gave that info out, that I was never the butt of many jokes. Sure, there was always the occasional, jello man, jelly belly, etc, but when your name is Jellison you come to expect that! Still, even today, we feel that we must always be comparing ourselves.

I do it with competition. I hate to lose and I hate when things that I am pulling for (i.e. IU basketball, Colts and the rest) do bad. My attitude is sometimes based on how they are doing. It is a constant comparison. Sarah does this when we walk through check out lines and when she is alone at home watching tv. She will look at People magazine and watch this show about this person and she will tell you she just likes seeing what other people are doing. When in reality, somewhere in the back of her mind, she is comparing herself to what she sees. You do the same thing with blogs. I can’t tell you how many times I have walked away defeated and almost depressed after going through the blogs of others. They talk about this trip or the last big thing that happened and you see the pics and, at least for me, I automatically start thinking, “Man, I wish that I could…fill in the blank with whatever you are reading”. We wish so much of our lives away because we are always comparing ourselves to others and wanting what they have. When you are young, you wish for the money and security that the older folk have. When you are old, you wish you had the looks and energy that the young kids have. The cycle never stops. It started in the garden when Adam and Eve didn’t have enough and where deceived into taking that fruit and eating it. We must get our self importance from God and God alone. Anything less, well that would be just that…less. We cannot find lasting importance in the things of this world. They are all “good for a season”. God wants us to find out what he truly meant for humanity to be IN Him. Nowhere else can we find such reassurance because there is no penalty from God for being unimportant in the world’s eyes.