Poke yourself

As I am preparing for my sermon this sunday...something keeps nagging at me...something that is there every sunday...some say that worship shouldnt determine who comes to church or whatever the case. Still, let's get real...it does! I grew up with the hymns and choruses from that little yellow chorus book and the ones that had been passed down and there weren't even words any where...I have been there and sang those songs. While that was good enough for me growing up, as an adult now it simply is not good enough. The problem is two part:

1.) The music we have today is all about us...take yesterday for instance, we sang "When we all get to heaven", "it will be worth it all", and the special was 'I can only imagine'. What do all these have in common? They are all about me me me...I I I. I have a hunger to sing to God not about me and my thoughts but about him and about him... It is a cycle I know, we go through different times in music...still, I think it is time for this cycle to be over with because of what this is doing to me and I fear to the whole of my church and denomination...that leads us to number two
2.) We have become numb. We cant feel anymore without feeling out of place. Sure, people cry and the like. Question though: When was the last time someone really shouted in church? Not the courtesy amen or hallelujah...but really shouted because they couldn't hold it back? I realize I sound like an old fogie to those of you who have never experienced this and that in college prof's told me that it was a thing of the past. Even I have dumbed myself down on this. After going to different conferences and meetings where the worship led us and it felt we were being emotionally stimulated and it wasn't really the Spirit...I told myself that I wasn't going to get into it because it would just fizzle out like pop rocks. Now that I have become a pastor, I long for those emotional highs. Between the planning and running service after service, I long for God to break on the scene and mess things up real good! I want to feel God...not feel warm or grateful for that song or sermon that I just heard. I want to feel like I am drowning in something that is so much more than I can handle. I long for someone to "get blessed". I miss crying in service not because I was hurting or needed something but because God was on the scene.

I know I am an old soul. People my age weren't exposed much to this kind of thing. After the boomers are gone, no one will know what I am talking about except reading it from books. The move in my church is all about holiness and church planting. I think those things are great...but I want to see God break in and refresh us as a community, restore those who have fallen as a community...we have made everything about personal faith and doing things your own way that we have neglected the communal gathering where God met with his people for thousands of years. Now, I wonder if he still does even show up for some of the services we have. Are they just a tradition that we do or are they times where we are coming to experience God and his Spirit? I think we are leaning to the first one.

SMYG.