I am a man!

Dude...I just finished Donald Miller’s book, “To Own a Dragon: Reflections on growing up without a father”. What an eye opening book! Last May when we were at MB, South Carolina, Peggy (Sarah’s Mom) suggested that I read “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge and so I just recently started reading it hardcore (in the bathroom mind you). Surpisingly enough, the Miller book mentions the other book in the course of the discussion. It was all about men and how they somehow feel less of a man or no man at all when they don’t have their fathers affirmation. It is amazing to me at how deep this issue is in my life. Going in, I thought that I would just read it because I love Miller and maybe it will give me some pointers for when I have kids (none on the way, so don’t ask!). Boy oh boy was I wrong. In “To own a dragon”, Miller talks about how he felt like a burden to his father and that is a reason why his father never gave him the affirmation that he was indeed, a man. A theme that kept popping up was that he didnt know if he had what it took. He didn’t know if he had what it took to get this girl or get that job or get this grade or...you get the drift. Sometimes, I admit, that I struggle with this. Do I have what it takes to be better, to be a great husband, to be a great future father? Do I have what it takes for my boss or future bosses to like me? Can I do anything more than what I am doing right now? Could I do what “he’s” doing? Can I be a better leader? Can I ever play the guitar like “him”? Is my situation as good as someone elses? And it goes on and on.
Another thing that I struggle with is criticism. I know that it comes with the job, but I am still not very good at taking it. I try not to give it out too much and encourage more. I was reading this morning in “Wild at Heart” this passage in which Eldredge was just talking about D-day and how the men that successfully got up to the cliffs where stunned and shell shocked and how that resembles the men of today and more specifically in the church.

“They thought that becoming a Christian would somehow end their troubles, or at least reduce them considerably. No one ever told them they were being moved to front lines, and they seem genuinely shocked at the fact that they’ve been shot at.”

Being in leadership in any place in life is hard. Being in leadership in a church is magnified. Like that quote says, you’d think that leading a group of people that are supposed to be trying to be more like Jesus that you’d get fired at less often. I think, until recently, I was in a state of shock because I was so surprised that I was being shot at by those that were supposed to be on my side! I questioned whether or not I had what it took to be a pastor, a man that leads God’s people.
My conclusion: I am being shot at and I do have what it takes to stand against the forces, either man or the evil schemes of the enemy. Whether from in front of me or those that are supposed to be beside me. I can stand...I am a man. But more importantly, I am a man after God’s heart!